Tuesday, August 13, 2013


How do you grieve for some one you hadn't been able to hug in over 10 years?
How do you grieve when you only spoke a few words a year?
How do you grieve when the last time you saw them 'skype' you just waved?

This week marks one year since my grandma left this earth, not once have I shed a tear it seems that it is still so hard for me to actually come to terms that she is no longer here, maybe it is because she was so far away or maybe its really because I feel so guilty inside that I never went to see her, that I never made an effort to talk to her nothing like that.

The only thing I feel okay about is in the moments she was dying & then when she had passed I felt this strange yet amazing feeling that it was okay, that she was finally able to rest, finally able to be without pain, that death was okay but now all those feelings have gone.

I hope that one day I am able to come to terms with her not being here because right now it seems to hurt so much more than the actually day that she left.


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